Episode 6
Behind My Smile
Her abuse began before she could form memories by age three or four, she already believed it was her duty to silently comply when her father came for her at night. This wasn’t a secret act hidden in shadows; it was woven into daily life—on family car rides, motorbike trips, even in front of her mother and brother. To survive, she split herself in two: the cheerful, high-achieving girl everyone saw, and “that dirty girl” the one who endured the unthinkable so the real her wouldn’t have to. But as she grew, the line blurred. By 13, she’d been assaulted by four men including her father and grandfather and convinced herself she must be “fair game.” Now 45, she battles PTSD, obesity, and a deep, grinding self-loathing that no amount of logic can quiet. She avoids intimacy, choosing detached sexual relationships to stay safe, and has sworn never to have children, fearing she’d pass on her trauma.
Despite a career dedicated to protecting kids, she still carries the haunting question: What did I do to invite this? Raw, unflinching, and delivered with devastating honesty, her story reveals how incest doesn’t just steal childhood it rewires a person’s entire existence. And even in the midst of chemotherapy and illness, her voice remains a defiant act of survival.
L-R Narrator: Susie Porter, Producer: Peter Northcote
Susie Porter - AUSTRALIAN ACTOR
Susie Porter is an Australian Actress whose career has encompassed film and theatre. She is best known for her roles on Welcome to Woop Woop, RAN: Remo She Area Nurse, East of Everything, Bikie Wars: Brothers in Arms, Puberty Blues, Dangerous Remedy, Wentworth Prison and many more.
Susie is also a passionate animal lover and is an ambassador for World Animal Protection.